I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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