I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
