The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
