I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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