I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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