Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize