We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
