there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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