You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
