If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize