I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize