I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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