Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
