OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
