you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
