Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
