Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
