im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked a lego.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
