So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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