Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize