I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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