I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
