You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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