Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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