She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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