what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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