Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
