i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
