UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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