Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
