Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
