you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
