this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
