just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
