i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
