last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
