some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
