I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
