STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
