Porn is love you can see.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
