Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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