Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
