I wish i was in the wii world.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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