Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
