I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
