i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
