It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
