I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
