I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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