And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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