my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
