watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
