He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
