Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
