had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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