Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
