im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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