haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
