I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
