you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
