I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just found puke in my bra..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize