He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
