dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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