uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we made out on top of his cat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
