I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
