standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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