so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
