i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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