Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
