I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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