The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
