a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
